- Daniel Chua
Let it Go - Moving Past the Pain
We have all been hurt before. People's words and actions, consciously or unintentionally, often leave us confused and often immobilised in our life journey. Many times, you thought you'd never come out on the other side. Perhaps you're still holding onto that grief and pain. If you are, then it's time to learn how to let go of past pain. You deserve to let it go and learn how to move forward with your life.
Why? Because holding onto past pain and anguish is a kind of self-inflicted torture that can cause serious health risks as well as emotional scarring. The truth is, when you cling to the past, you're internally changing your present. You're inadvertently sabotaging your potential and what you can achieve in life.
How can something you've kept inside for so long just be let go? It's not an easy task, but it can be done with some effort and self-reflection.
Here are some ways you can let go of past pain and disappointment, so you can move forward with confidence:
1. Know what's holding you back and find closure. What are you holding onto and why? Identify the things you're keeping inside that you shouldn't be. For instance, maybe a close friend or colleague betrayed you in a way that broke your trust. Recognize this and figure out a way to finally deal with it. Get in touch with them again, then explain the pain they've caused.
The truth is, they may not even be aware they did anything to upset you. Whether or not they apologize isn't important. While it may be nice, you can't control others or force them to say sorry. However, by simply voicing your feelings, you are finding closure from the hurtful situation.
Getting closure on something that was left open-ended can make a huge difference in letting things go.
2. Talk it out. If the person who caused the hurt is still in your life, talk to them about the way they made you feel. If that person isn't available, try to talk to another friend or professional therapist or coach (as always I am happy to help) about the situation.
Getting your emotions out in the open can help you get over any resentment or anger you may be feeling. Bottling up your emotions is never a good thing. Let it all out in a constructive way and you'll be amazed at how much better you'll feel. Naming your emotions and calling them out is a useful technique.
Don't just say I feel SAD. If you're really grieved by the incident, use words like APPALLED and MISERABLE. An "Emotions Wheel" might be helpful in this exercise.
3. Forgive and forget. It may sound easier said than done, but forgiving someone who has hurt you can be extremely therapeutic. Strive to let things stay in the past and don't allow them to affect your present.
It is important to note that forgiving doesn't mean that you have to maintain the friendship or agree that what has happened to you is okay. It simply means that you're freeing yourself from the prison of self-pity, pain and perplexity. And you're now in control of your destiny.
Once you learn to forgive the people who've caused your pain, you will find it far easier to heal and move on with your life.
4. Make the first move. You're in charge of your pain. You're the one who carries it around with you and you're the only one who can change its intensity. It's up to you to take control of the pain and take the first step towards making yourself feel better.
Acknowledge that your pain is real and that a positive solution exists.
Confront the cause of the pain and do everything in your power to get rid of it.
The best way to move forward is to forgive the past. If you can't change the past, you might as well learn to accept it and move on. You'll be glad you did once you see just how bright your future can be when you regain control of your life.
Make the conscious decision, today, to live your life free from pain and resentment. If required, a trained coach or therapist can equip you with the resources to heal and live abundantly.